I've Moved ...

and will most probably not blog here anymore ... Got a new blog but have yet to do it up ... Give me some time and I'll do it over the June holidays ... Meanwhile, drop me a mesage if you will like to know my new address

Forget, Forgetting, Forgotten

I can't believe I actually forgot the login ID for this blog and after trying very hard to recall, I got the password wrong.

Why am I forgetting things that I didn't intend to while I can't seem to forget things that I try very hard to? Am I trying not hard enough or sub-consciously I am reluctant to let it go?

Sometimes, I really wish I'd get into some accident and have amnesia, retaining selective memories; only memories that I will like to hold on to and memories that once made me happy.

If only you never appeared in my life ... If .....

I'm Moody. Leave me alone!

I'm feeling very moody. This isn't the result of hormonal imbalances even though I am having my period now. It's just the things my housemates said and did that tapped my nerves and I felt kinda upset and angry even though I didn't flare up. Instead, I was just calm and kinda emotionless.

However, that was only the catalyst. Something else she said lead to a string of cognitive processes that got me really down now. I feel like whining/crying to someone but I realised there isn't anyone (1) who's awake at this time, (2) who understands the situation I'm in and why I'm feeling like that (3) who's free to 'entertain me' (4) who I can trust and (5) who I can speak openly and freely to. Usually, when I have feelings like this, I'll call home in hope that my negative feelings will be alleviated a little by listening to someone's voice or basically, any of my close friends or family. Somehow, that didn't work for today.

I hope no one steps on my toes in the next few days by upsetting me any further. This can prove to be a little tough at times when I am living in a 'close knitted community'. The only way I can go about it is to socially isolate myself for a few days and hopefully, I will recover by then.

Hot Cross Bun

My little girl has arrived yesterday and she's a bun of character. My friends mention how much she is a replica of me, just that she's in the form of a bun; cute, lovely, curious, unafraid, smart, alert, mischevious, well adapted, brave. That really reminds me of Dopey.

Despite their inkling differences, I won't treat her as a substitute of Dopey. No one/bun can replace Dopey's place in my heart. She's one in a million, once in a lifetime. Having her was the greatest blessing I ever had. It's a shame she didn't live long enough a life and that half her life was spent shuttling between home and hospitals/clinics. Surgeries, injections and digging into her fresh wound (literally as a form of treatment) was a common affair. However, my hands never failed to shiver each time I had to jab her. I wonder if she knows the emotional torment I go through each time she's going through some 'phyical torment'.

Even all the pain that she has to put up with, she never once cringed, so long as we're by her side. All she ever asked for was companion, attention and TLC. Nothing more than that. That is how easily satisfied she is.

Her spirit and attitude in life is a virtue I will want to learn and live by in life. Dopey, you are greatly missed. I love you loads.

Proud of Me

You would be so proud of me if you had seen what I had just accomplished. It's out of your imagination that I could have managed it.

If only ...

Sorry that I Loved You

For all of the time that i tried for your smile
For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I’m so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry do can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
I’m so sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you

School's Starting

Looking at my my school's blackboard makes my anxiety worse. I can start to feel the stress and pressure building up when I see a large number of readings and journals being posted online.

Oh gosh! School hasn't even started yet!

Now there's last minute purchase of items, packing the necessary stuff in my luggage, passing the customs successfully, travel more than half a day before I reach Canberra, cleaning up the apartment, renting a car, figure my way to the warehouse, move all the stuff, make at least another 3 to 5 of such trips, unpack my belongings, go to school, print notes, buy textbook, pay school fees etc etc ........

No wonder I'm getting all that insomnia.