My social psychology lecturer was broaching the topic on 'Attractions' and he counted a case which he handled during marriage counseling. This involved a couple who have two young children. The couple started courtship since their secondary school days. They were each others' first love. Things progressed on till the day they gotten married and started their own family. One fine day, the husband shocked his wife by serving him the separation papers. She could not understand what went wrong, neither could she accept the fact that her husband wanted a divorce out of the blue. In a bid to save their marriage, they decided to seek the help of a marriage counselor.
After understanding the whole situation, my lecturer (who is a practicing psychologist and holds a doctorate) decided to speak to the couple separately and started by asking the husband why did he marry his wife. He replied honestly he doesn't know why but things progressed on and getting married was the most natural thing to do. My lecturer started asking if he loves his wife and he responded by saying he wasn't sure.
My lecturer pressed on for details and after pondering for a moment, the husband replied, saying "I'm not sure if she's the one for me." Shocked, my lecturer asked "What do you mean by you are not sure if she's the one for you when you are already married with two kids !?!" The man retorted by saying "How would I know if she's really the one for me when she's the only woman I have dated in the whole of my life?
Ridiculous as it may sound, this is what happens when you do not have options in life. You have no idea what is the best and neither will you know what you will like best. You have got to have multiple choice options and you eliminate what you do not like and choose what you like the most. Without the options, you may just blindly select the only option without much considerations. This was what my lecturer said and it got me thinking.
He continued by saying "I told his wife this, 'you husband needs multiple choice options before he knows if he really wants to be with you. If he decides to come back to you, will you accept him again?'"
If you were the wife, will you accept that husband again?
Subsequently, my lecturer mentioned that he has seen a few such cases and such cases are getting more common. He repeatedly mention the importance of having multiple options before deciding on the best option. He said "if A is not what you want, then choose B. If B is not you want, then eliminate it and select C. If C is not what you desire, then settle for D!"
However, he did not tell me what should I do if I decide that A is still the best after being together with B, C and D. Should I go back for A, or should I try finding an option E?
Sighs. Such is life. It continued to get me thinking for a loooooooong time.
And my chained of thoughts reminded me of a friend.
That friend of mine is in the midst of applying for a HDB flat and intends to wed just before she gets the keys to her flat. However, she wasn't feeling her happiest. I couldn't comprehend why she sounded depress even though she was preparing for a joyous occasion. It was only through a common friend of ours did I learn the truth; even though her husband-to-be was a nice person, she still misses her ex-boyfriend. She feels that she had stronger feelings for her ex-boyfriend and she might have loved him more (than her currant boyfriend). However, due to certain circumstances she wasn't able to be with her ex-boyfriend. Even though her husband-to-be was not the one she loves most, he was someone she could rely on and was comfortable with. He was someone who would make a good husband, giving her a sense of secure.
Like my mum used to say, 'the person you love most may not be the person you marry and that the person you marry may not be the person you love most'.
It makes me wonder, how many people actually marry the person they love most? Will I end up like my friend? Will I find happiness? Define happiness then.
Can someone/anyone/everyone comment on my post via my tagboard?
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