Thursday, May 26, 2011
I've Moved ...
and will most probably not blog here anymore ... Got a new blog but have yet to do it up ... Give me some time and I'll do it over the June holidays ... Meanwhile, drop me a mesage if you will like to know my new address
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Forget, Forgetting, Forgotten
I can't believe I actually forgot the login ID for this blog and after trying very hard to recall, I got the password wrong.
Why am I forgetting things that I didn't intend to while I can't seem to forget things that I try very hard to? Am I trying not hard enough or sub-consciously I am reluctant to let it go?
Sometimes, I really wish I'd get into some accident and have amnesia, retaining selective memories; only memories that I will like to hold on to and memories that once made me happy.
If only you never appeared in my life ... If .....
Why am I forgetting things that I didn't intend to while I can't seem to forget things that I try very hard to? Am I trying not hard enough or sub-consciously I am reluctant to let it go?
Sometimes, I really wish I'd get into some accident and have amnesia, retaining selective memories; only memories that I will like to hold on to and memories that once made me happy.
If only you never appeared in my life ... If .....
I'm Moody. Leave me alone!
I'm feeling very moody. This isn't the result of hormonal imbalances even though I am having my period now. It's just the things my housemates said and did that tapped my nerves and I felt kinda upset and angry even though I didn't flare up. Instead, I was just calm and kinda emotionless.
However, that was only the catalyst. Something else she said lead to a string of cognitive processes that got me really down now. I feel like whining/crying to someone but I realised there isn't anyone (1) who's awake at this time, (2) who understands the situation I'm in and why I'm feeling like that (3) who's free to 'entertain me' (4) who I can trust and (5) who I can speak openly and freely to. Usually, when I have feelings like this, I'll call home in hope that my negative feelings will be alleviated a little by listening to someone's voice or basically, any of my close friends or family. Somehow, that didn't work for today.
I hope no one steps on my toes in the next few days by upsetting me any further. This can prove to be a little tough at times when I am living in a 'close knitted community'. The only way I can go about it is to socially isolate myself for a few days and hopefully, I will recover by then.
However, that was only the catalyst. Something else she said lead to a string of cognitive processes that got me really down now. I feel like whining/crying to someone but I realised there isn't anyone (1) who's awake at this time, (2) who understands the situation I'm in and why I'm feeling like that (3) who's free to 'entertain me' (4) who I can trust and (5) who I can speak openly and freely to. Usually, when I have feelings like this, I'll call home in hope that my negative feelings will be alleviated a little by listening to someone's voice or basically, any of my close friends or family. Somehow, that didn't work for today.
I hope no one steps on my toes in the next few days by upsetting me any further. This can prove to be a little tough at times when I am living in a 'close knitted community'. The only way I can go about it is to socially isolate myself for a few days and hopefully, I will recover by then.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Hot Cross Bun
My little girl has arrived yesterday and she's a bun of character. My friends mention how much she is a replica of me, just that she's in the form of a bun; cute, lovely, curious, unafraid, smart, alert, mischevious, well adapted, brave. That really reminds me of Dopey.
Despite their inkling differences, I won't treat her as a substitute of Dopey. No one/bun can replace Dopey's place in my heart. She's one in a million, once in a lifetime. Having her was the greatest blessing I ever had. It's a shame she didn't live long enough a life and that half her life was spent shuttling between home and hospitals/clinics. Surgeries, injections and digging into her fresh wound (literally as a form of treatment) was a common affair. However, my hands never failed to shiver each time I had to jab her. I wonder if she knows the emotional torment I go through each time she's going through some 'phyical torment'.
Even all the pain that she has to put up with, she never once cringed, so long as we're by her side. All she ever asked for was companion, attention and TLC. Nothing more than that. That is how easily satisfied she is.
Her spirit and attitude in life is a virtue I will want to learn and live by in life. Dopey, you are greatly missed. I love you loads.
Despite their inkling differences, I won't treat her as a substitute of Dopey. No one/bun can replace Dopey's place in my heart. She's one in a million, once in a lifetime. Having her was the greatest blessing I ever had. It's a shame she didn't live long enough a life and that half her life was spent shuttling between home and hospitals/clinics. Surgeries, injections and digging into her fresh wound (literally as a form of treatment) was a common affair. However, my hands never failed to shiver each time I had to jab her. I wonder if she knows the emotional torment I go through each time she's going through some 'phyical torment'.
Even all the pain that she has to put up with, she never once cringed, so long as we're by her side. All she ever asked for was companion, attention and TLC. Nothing more than that. That is how easily satisfied she is.
Her spirit and attitude in life is a virtue I will want to learn and live by in life. Dopey, you are greatly missed. I love you loads.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Proud of Me
You would be so proud of me if you had seen what I had just accomplished. It's out of your imagination that I could have managed it.
If only ...
If only ...
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Sorry that I Loved You
For all of the time that i tried for your smile
For making you think that i was worth the while
So your love love love love love would be mine
For sending you flowers and holding your hand
That no one was there to take a stand
But then love love love made us blind
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And I’m So sorry for...
Making you love me and saying goodbye
For being the one that taught you how to cry
It was love love love and it passed us by
For giving you every thing that you dreamed
For taking it back when i fled the scene
sorry love,for wasting your time
And I’m so sorry that I hurt you
Sorry that I fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
I’m so sorry that i loved you
Sorry that i needed you
Sorry that i hold you tight
And apology now after all of this time
Won’t make my difference tonight
But I’m hoping I’m Sorry will open your mind
To love love love love in your life
Sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry doesn’t turn back time
For all that i have done to you
I wish that i could make it right
So sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i fell through
Sorry i was falling in love with you
I’m sorry that it came true
But sorry do can’t turn back time
I’m sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
I’m so sorry that i loved you
I’m sorry that i hurt you
Sorry that i loved you
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
School's Starting
Looking at my my school's blackboard makes my anxiety worse. I can start to feel the stress and pressure building up when I see a large number of readings and journals being posted online.
Oh gosh! School hasn't even started yet!
Now there's last minute purchase of items, packing the necessary stuff in my luggage, passing the customs successfully, travel more than half a day before I reach Canberra, cleaning up the apartment, renting a car, figure my way to the warehouse, move all the stuff, make at least another 3 to 5 of such trips, unpack my belongings, go to school, print notes, buy textbook, pay school fees etc etc ........
No wonder I'm getting all that insomnia.
Oh gosh! School hasn't even started yet!
Now there's last minute purchase of items, packing the necessary stuff in my luggage, passing the customs successfully, travel more than half a day before I reach Canberra, cleaning up the apartment, renting a car, figure my way to the warehouse, move all the stuff, make at least another 3 to 5 of such trips, unpack my belongings, go to school, print notes, buy textbook, pay school fees etc etc ........
No wonder I'm getting all that insomnia.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Insomnia
I'm feeling exhausted but I just can't get to sleep. I've been tossing and turning, turning and tossing. Thoughts keep running through my mind. There's just soooooooo much to think, plan and worry about.
It must be anxiety.
It must be anxiety.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Last Week
This weekend will be my last weekend in Singapore. Starting from today (or rather yesterday), everyday will be packed with activities, from running errands to performing chores to meeting people. (Actually, the past two weeks have been like that. It just gets more intense as the days pass by.)
To tell the truth, it's a little tiring on my part but I'm not complaining because every moment spent is carefully planned and thought of. I made sure every errand I run, every chore I perform and every person I meet is my time and effort, simply because there's too many things to do given the limited time I have.
Did I mention I have yet to pack my luggage? You may think that it's an easy chore but it's definitely not for me because I take days, literally, to pack my luggage.
Thus, this is the last chance if you'd like to meet me in my final week here and there's no guarantee that you'll be given a 'free slot' because good things (me) are in popular demand! Hehs!
To tell the truth, it's a little tiring on my part but I'm not complaining because every moment spent is carefully planned and thought of. I made sure every errand I run, every chore I perform and every person I meet is my time and effort, simply because there's too many things to do given the limited time I have.
Did I mention I have yet to pack my luggage? You may think that it's an easy chore but it's definitely not for me because I take days, literally, to pack my luggage.
Thus, this is the last chance if you'd like to meet me in my final week here and there's no guarantee that you'll be given a 'free slot' because good things (me) are in popular demand! Hehs!
Monday, February 7, 2011
Think twice about what you scold your kids
Dad: Si Gi Na
Me: Where do si gi nas come from? Si Lao pei and si Lao bu!
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Mum: 你很王八蛋！
Me: 如果我是王八蛋，那你不就是王八！？！？！
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And my parents didn't know whether to laugh or get mad when I rebuked them. Hahas.
Me: Where do si gi nas come from? Si Lao pei and si Lao bu!
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Mum: 你很王八蛋！
Me: 如果我是王八蛋，那你不就是王八！？！？！
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And my parents didn't know whether to laugh or get mad when I rebuked them. Hahas.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Sick Again ...
I woke up feeling a little 'heavy-headed' with my throat a little sore. It doesn't help when I've been plagued by migraines for days. Seems like I'm falling sick. Not the best time to fall ill since my last two weeks in Singapore is filled with errands and chores to run. There are also many people who I will like to spend time with but it proves to be a challenge given the limited time left. Oh, not to mention the fact that I have yet to pack my luggage simply because my luggage is still at Samsonite service centre.
My muscles are aching now and I can only pray that my joints won't hurt because that is a good indicator of me running a fever. *prays* Did I mention that I left my awesome yet expensive thermometer in Australia? Without it, I can only rely on my achy joints and 'ah-ga-ration' to tell if I am running a fever. Sighs.
I remember running a fever during this period of time last year because I was feeling achy and uncomfy at the Ang Pao River. Sighs, not again!
My muscles are aching now and I can only pray that my joints won't hurt because that is a good indicator of me running a fever. *prays* Did I mention that I left my awesome yet expensive thermometer in Australia? Without it, I can only rely on my achy joints and 'ah-ga-ration' to tell if I am running a fever. Sighs.
I remember running a fever during this period of time last year because I was feeling achy and uncomfy at the Ang Pao River. Sighs, not again!
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Numbered Days
Suddenly, I am starting to wonder if pursuing my studies in Australia was the right thing to do. I have given up so much to further my studies; money, family, love, youth, time, furries. Not to mention the number of misfortunes I had faced before heading to Australia and during my stay there.
All my life I had dream of studying in Australia; for some unknown reasons, I had always thought I would study there and have always been working towards it. Now that I am given the chance to actually fulfill my dreams of studying there, I am starting to doubt my own decision. I dread the arrival of the day I leave.
The day Chinese New Year ends shall be the day I return to Australia. It feels scary to know that my days are numbered. To speak the truth, I feel a great sense of uncertainty. The fact that Australia is currently plagued with natural disaster adds on to my anxiety.
I wish the festive season will not end. I wish there is a good reason for me to stay. I wish someone can tell me not to leave. I wish ..... you will ask me to stay for you ...
All my life I had dream of studying in Australia; for some unknown reasons, I had always thought I would study there and have always been working towards it. Now that I am given the chance to actually fulfill my dreams of studying there, I am starting to doubt my own decision. I dread the arrival of the day I leave.
The day Chinese New Year ends shall be the day I return to Australia. It feels scary to know that my days are numbered. To speak the truth, I feel a great sense of uncertainty. The fact that Australia is currently plagued with natural disaster adds on to my anxiety.
I wish the festive season will not end. I wish there is a good reason for me to stay. I wish someone can tell me not to leave. I wish ..... you will ask me to stay for you ...
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Reunion Dinner
Unlike previous years, I had eaten the most number of reunion dinner this year.
Round 1 - 29th Jan 2011, Saturday
A week before, my mum was happily asking me if I had anything on Friday and Saturday night, and since I had none, she told me to keep them free. She had wanted to do some shopping for groceries and goodies for the Chinese New Year (CNY) festive season on Friday night. She mentioned that we should purchase some ingredients for a steamboat session on Saturday night, since we are making a trip down to the hypermart. She spoke with such great enthusiasm, it got me a little puzzled as she was never a 'steamboat' person. Feeling lazy, I did not question her but went ahead as told.
On Saturday, my sister (Piggie) and I were shopping when she suddenly blurted "the steamboat session is planned for you 'cause no one likes steamboat as much as you". At that moment, I realised that I won't be having reunion dinner with my family this year and that was potentially a reunion dinner planned for me/us. How nice!
It's a shame I was feeling very exhausted that night and thus was a little grumpy. By the way, we were having steamboat reunion supper instead. We ate from 11pm to 2am because my father came home late. Zzz. Nonetheless , I was very thankful for the session. Everything was awesome that night. Except for the presence of something or rather, someone.
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Round 2 - 1st Feb 2011, Tuesday
Every year (since I don't know when), my secondary school friends and I will always arrange to have reunion dinner together. In previous years, we used to have DIY steamboat sessions. However, in recent years, we started eating out. Initially we went to tze char stalls and this year, we have our reunion dinner at a seafood restaurant. Guess our choices of food gets more expensive as more of us start working. It didn't help when I'm one of the two full-time students. Then again, it's great companion and good food that makes the meal a perfect one, isn't it?
It's a shame zq and his girlfriend couldn't join us for reunion dinner as zq has a fresh wound which requires 4 stitches. Lesson learnt: Do not jump over a drain on a rainy day when the floor is wet and slippery.
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Round 3 - 2nd Feb 2011, Wednesday
For the first time in two and a half decades, I got to join my maternal extended family for reunion dinner, something which I have been looking forward to for years. I really never thought it was possible until I came up with some sly plan and I don't regret what I've done. In fact, I'm glad I came up with that idea.
Even though I'm having homecooked food at my uncle's place instead of expensive delicacies at some big fancy restaurant, it is the best reunion dinner I've ever had in the whole of my life. I wish my future years can be like that.
If I ever get married and have to gather for reunion dinner with my in-laws, I can only hope they are nice and pleasant people to get along with. There's nothing more important than peace and harmony within the family, genuity and sincerity between people.
Thus, in this new year, I will like to wish all of you a Happy and Blessed Chinese New Year filled with loads of love, happiness, fun, peace and harmony.
Round 1 - 29th Jan 2011, Saturday
A week before, my mum was happily asking me if I had anything on Friday and Saturday night, and since I had none, she told me to keep them free. She had wanted to do some shopping for groceries and goodies for the Chinese New Year (CNY) festive season on Friday night. She mentioned that we should purchase some ingredients for a steamboat session on Saturday night, since we are making a trip down to the hypermart. She spoke with such great enthusiasm, it got me a little puzzled as she was never a 'steamboat' person. Feeling lazy, I did not question her but went ahead as told.
On Saturday, my sister (Piggie) and I were shopping when she suddenly blurted "the steamboat session is planned for you 'cause no one likes steamboat as much as you". At that moment, I realised that I won't be having reunion dinner with my family this year and that was potentially a reunion dinner planned for me/us. How nice!
It's a shame I was feeling very exhausted that night and thus was a little grumpy. By the way, we were having steamboat reunion supper instead. We ate from 11pm to 2am because my father came home late. Zzz. Nonetheless , I was very thankful for the session. Everything was awesome that night. Except for the presence of something or rather, someone.
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Round 2 - 1st Feb 2011, Tuesday
Every year (since I don't know when), my secondary school friends and I will always arrange to have reunion dinner together. In previous years, we used to have DIY steamboat sessions. However, in recent years, we started eating out. Initially we went to tze char stalls and this year, we have our reunion dinner at a seafood restaurant. Guess our choices of food gets more expensive as more of us start working. It didn't help when I'm one of the two full-time students. Then again, it's great companion and good food that makes the meal a perfect one, isn't it?
It's a shame zq and his girlfriend couldn't join us for reunion dinner as zq has a fresh wound which requires 4 stitches. Lesson learnt: Do not jump over a drain on a rainy day when the floor is wet and slippery.
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Round 3 - 2nd Feb 2011, Wednesday
For the first time in two and a half decades, I got to join my maternal extended family for reunion dinner, something which I have been looking forward to for years. I really never thought it was possible until I came up with some sly plan and I don't regret what I've done. In fact, I'm glad I came up with that idea.
Even though I'm having homecooked food at my uncle's place instead of expensive delicacies at some big fancy restaurant, it is the best reunion dinner I've ever had in the whole of my life. I wish my future years can be like that.
If I ever get married and have to gather for reunion dinner with my in-laws, I can only hope they are nice and pleasant people to get along with. There's nothing more important than peace and harmony within the family, genuity and sincerity between people.
Thus, in this new year, I will like to wish all of you a Happy and Blessed Chinese New Year filled with loads of love, happiness, fun, peace and harmony.
Friday, January 28, 2011
I dreamt of a Fun House!
I dozed off while watching hongkong drama serial on my laptop. The setting of my dream was in my granny's place and as I walked out to the hall, the television was playing "Funhouse". After I woke up from my dream, this song keeps playing in my head non-stop, like on auto-replay. Even when someone talks to me, the song continues to 'play' in the background. The weirdest thing is I don't listen to this song often and I don't remember watching the mtv, so why does it keep playing in my head
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Feeling Down
I've got this sudden wave of depression. No idea what I'm feeling upset over either. Something's bothering me and I have on idea what it is. I just know that I'm feeling a great sense of discomfort and no, it's not the time of the month so it's not the hormones.
And I have to drive with this 'depressed' feeling all the way to the east. Drove to Changi airport last weekend, driving there again later and going there again tomorrow. What is this man!?!?!?!
I can't imagine how am I gonna do all the socialising today and tomorrow with this depressed mood. Good luck to me!
And I have to drive with this 'depressed' feeling all the way to the east. Drove to Changi airport last weekend, driving there again later and going there again tomorrow. What is this man!?!?!?!
I can't imagine how am I gonna do all the socialising today and tomorrow with this depressed mood. Good luck to me!
Friday, January 21, 2011
Multiple Updates: Feelings & Memories
I'm too tired today to blog the prim and proper way. Shall just randomly rattle on what flashes across my mind, how I'm feeling and maybe what had happened in the past few days, for memory safekeeping sake.
Catching Up w Good Ol' Friends
Glad to catch up with two of my friends who saw me through my toughest days in poly. All was good, except for the chosen location. We entered this Japanese restuarant that smelled of toilet. Not just normal toilets, but toilet that still smell after cleaning. Think ammonia + bleach + cheap toilet fragrance. It smelled so bad I felt nausea the moment I entered. R told me to put up with the smell as I'd get used to it after a while. Moreover, it's a small price to pay in exchange for value-for-money-japanese-food. Indeed, the meal was quite worthy.
A meal of sushi + sashimi + chawanmushi + small dishes + green tea + GST + service charge < $38 = 3 full individuals. Tried 贡茶as well. It taste nice in a different way. I've no idea how to describe it. You've gotta taste for yourself. However, I still prefer KOI. On a random note, I really like this yam/taro bubble milk tea my friend made in aussie but I just can't seem to find any bubble tea shops in Singapore that can recreate the same taste.
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Love & Other Drugs
I was purchasing the tickets for "Love and other drugs" when the cashier said "I will like to remind you that this show is categorised as M18. Kindly ensure that all of you are above 18 in order to watch this show." Even though I was rather expressionless when I replied "Yah, all of us are above 18", I was secretly smiling inside. Senescence is an irreversible process, naturally I took that as a compliment.
As usual, I was late for the movie. I pretty much like the show but thought they should rename it "Sex and other drugs".
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Chemistry? Maybe not.
Sometimes it gets a little annoying when someone just rattles non-stop at your ear when all you want is a moment of peace. The worse thing is the other party keeps saying nonsensical/lame stuff and you have to match up to him/her when you are in a 'serious/thinking' mode. It's either I have high EQ or I have very good acting skills or I am hypocritical by nature; people always think we share a good level of chemistry when in reality, I rarely share my innermost thoughts and keep I don't feel the way you think I do. How can we possibly click when you can't even read my mood!
That reminds me of some mess I have to clear when I get back to aussie. Sighs.
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20/01/11 Thursday
To Stay or To Go
Almost couldn't wake up on time today because I spent the entire night chatting online and trying to book air tickets back to aussie. SIA website was such a letdown; tried booking tickets in the morning but the website just refuses to work.
I was (and still am) such a procrastinator; I was supposed to book the air tickets a month ago, together with some of my friends. However, I dragged till this very month. Like the previous time, I have mixed feelings of going to Australia. I want yet do not really want to return to joey land. It's hard to explain that kinda feeling.
My best guess is probably because I'm leaving too much behind. Maybe, if I can bring all my loved ones with me, things might be different. Anyone keen in visiting me in Canberra (or any parts of aussie)? Everyone of you whom I know in reality and who reads my blog is invited because you people are really important to me. Not everyone knows I blog on the sly. If you do, you are one of the privileged few! Come visit me if possible, alright?
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Across the Causeway
I finally crossed the causeway to explore Johor Bahru (JB). Even though I visit Malaysia several times a year, I rarely go to JB via Woodlands, thus I was quite shocked to find out that the Malaysia (JB) custom has upgraded since two years ago! The entire place looks quite impressive and is way cleaner and better than the previous one. It's the first time I took a bus to JB and I did it by myself. I amazed myself by being able to cross the causeway without getting lost. Haha.
However, there were some hiccups along the way. I was held up at the Singapore customs for quite some time because the stupid scanner doesn't recognise my thumb print as I have very mild symptoms of eczema on my skin - so mild that I can't see it if I don't squint my eyes. After a good 30 attempt at scanning both my left and right thumb, the custom officer asked if I had my IC with me. Being a muddlehead, I will naturally choose not to bring my IC as there's a good chance I will lose it (imagine losing both IC and passport. I'm as good as an illegal immigrant!). I offered the custom officer my driver's license instead. After discussing with her superior, she decided to let me off. Sighs. I didn't choose to have eczema ok!
Anyway, I'm very thankful for my friends who met me at the M'sia customs. I guess they must have felt as though they brought a mountain turtle out. Wherever I went, I kept looking around and/or out of windows. No, I didn't do that because I was bored or daydreaming. I was sightseeing and observing. I didn't mention it at that very point in time cause I would have sounded really really sua ku. Hahas. Anyway, I really did enjoy myself today so don't worry.
Best of all? I had my A&W. Though it's A&W's breakfast that I miss, I'm not complaining because having the root beer float is enough to make my day. Thankew very much for the trouble to travel just for the sake of A&W.
*Deeply Appreciated by Yours Truly*
On a random note, I kept mentioning Causeway Bay instead of Causeway. Can you tell how much I'm dying to go Hongkong? =(
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Dead Beat
I'm very exhausted because I have been doing lots of household chores for the past 2 weeks and the load has increased intensively for the past few days mainly because my tolerance for mess has gone down tremendously and expecations of cleanliness has increased by a notch.
Just last night, I sort out and washed 3 batches of clothes. That's not easy when you are dealing with several huge piles of clothes contributed by 5 people over a period of time. I could have been more efficient if not for the wet weather. High humidity level + rain + lack of sunshine = damp clothes. That means that I have to air the clothes longer than before. Not forgetting there are bedsheets, pillow/bolster cases and blankets to deal with!
On top of that I also packed a huge part of the kitchen today, clearing old and spoilt food/sauces/herbs/whatever. Bought new shelves and tablecloth. Gave the walls and table a good scrub before rearranging the remaining stuff. I had wanted to clean the rest of the kitchen but was too tired to do so, especially after the JB trip, not forgetting the lack fo sleep from the previous night. Shall continue again tomorrow
My friend, N, mentioned that I probably have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Oh well, I highly doubt so but then again, maybe I do? Hahas. Life in Australia has changed me greatly.
On hindsight, I started sorting out my belongings and threw away things that I used to refused to get rid of, such as old books and magazines. In the midst of it, I started thinking of how I used to insist on keeping them despite being psychoed/persuaded/coaxed to 'throw rubbish away'. Memories.
Anyway, I found a lot of letters, cards and postcards from different people. I re-read before sorting them out for safekeeping. Reading those hand-written well-wishes and innermost thoughts/feelings brought both smiles and tears. Many brought back memories of the time I used to spend with the person (who wrote those letters/cards/postcards).
Memories.
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Oei, Not Sleeping ah?
Yeah man! After looking at the time I submit this post you must be wondering why the heck I am blogging at this unearthly hour. No, I'm not having insomia from caffeine overdose this time round.
I'm awake because I'm having gastric discomfort. Honestly, I've no idea what's wrong. I was feeling very hungry before dinner time but halfway through dinner, my gastric hurt so much I had to force myself to finish the entire bowl of instant noodles (I know it's not the best food around but I was craving very badly for myojo mee. In aussie, myojo is only available in asian grocery stores and the prices are really steep). After dinner, I remain seated for the next half an hour because my gastric hurts.
Even though my gastric continued to hurt, I decided to ignore the pain and continued with my household chores. I didn't want to be crippled by the pain. Who knows, two hours later I had gastric reflux. I almost threw up but I didn't. That feeling sucks.
Subsequently, I started having both gastric pains and stomach cramps. The pain and cramp continued till now. I'd better recover by tomorrow afternoon, if not I have to go out with all that pain and discomfort. *pray hard*
Good night world! Then again, it's morning.
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19/01/11 WednesdayCatching Up w Good Ol' Friends
Glad to catch up with two of my friends who saw me through my toughest days in poly. All was good, except for the chosen location. We entered this Japanese restuarant that smelled of toilet. Not just normal toilets, but toilet that still smell after cleaning. Think ammonia + bleach + cheap toilet fragrance. It smelled so bad I felt nausea the moment I entered. R told me to put up with the smell as I'd get used to it after a while. Moreover, it's a small price to pay in exchange for value-for-money-japanese-food. Indeed, the meal was quite worthy.
A meal of sushi + sashimi + chawanmushi + small dishes + green tea + GST + service charge < $38 = 3 full individuals. Tried 贡茶as well. It taste nice in a different way. I've no idea how to describe it. You've gotta taste for yourself. However, I still prefer KOI. On a random note, I really like this yam/taro bubble milk tea my friend made in aussie but I just can't seem to find any bubble tea shops in Singapore that can recreate the same taste.
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Love & Other Drugs
I was purchasing the tickets for "Love and other drugs" when the cashier said "I will like to remind you that this show is categorised as M18. Kindly ensure that all of you are above 18 in order to watch this show." Even though I was rather expressionless when I replied "Yah, all of us are above 18", I was secretly smiling inside. Senescence is an irreversible process, naturally I took that as a compliment.
As usual, I was late for the movie. I pretty much like the show but thought they should rename it "Sex and other drugs".
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Chemistry? Maybe not.
Sometimes it gets a little annoying when someone just rattles non-stop at your ear when all you want is a moment of peace. The worse thing is the other party keeps saying nonsensical/lame stuff and you have to match up to him/her when you are in a 'serious/thinking' mode. It's either I have high EQ or I have very good acting skills or I am hypocritical by nature; people always think we share a good level of chemistry when in reality, I rarely share my innermost thoughts and keep I don't feel the way you think I do. How can we possibly click when you can't even read my mood!
That reminds me of some mess I have to clear when I get back to aussie. Sighs.
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20/01/11 Thursday
To Stay or To Go
Almost couldn't wake up on time today because I spent the entire night chatting online and trying to book air tickets back to aussie. SIA website was such a letdown; tried booking tickets in the morning but the website just refuses to work.
I was (and still am) such a procrastinator; I was supposed to book the air tickets a month ago, together with some of my friends. However, I dragged till this very month. Like the previous time, I have mixed feelings of going to Australia. I want yet do not really want to return to joey land. It's hard to explain that kinda feeling.
My best guess is probably because I'm leaving too much behind. Maybe, if I can bring all my loved ones with me, things might be different. Anyone keen in visiting me in Canberra (or any parts of aussie)? Everyone of you whom I know in reality and who reads my blog is invited because you people are really important to me. Not everyone knows I blog on the sly. If you do, you are one of the privileged few! Come visit me if possible, alright?
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Across the Causeway
I finally crossed the causeway to explore Johor Bahru (JB). Even though I visit Malaysia several times a year, I rarely go to JB via Woodlands, thus I was quite shocked to find out that the Malaysia (JB) custom has upgraded since two years ago! The entire place looks quite impressive and is way cleaner and better than the previous one. It's the first time I took a bus to JB and I did it by myself. I amazed myself by being able to cross the causeway without getting lost. Haha.
However, there were some hiccups along the way. I was held up at the Singapore customs for quite some time because the stupid scanner doesn't recognise my thumb print as I have very mild symptoms of eczema on my skin - so mild that I can't see it if I don't squint my eyes. After a good 30 attempt at scanning both my left and right thumb, the custom officer asked if I had my IC with me. Being a muddlehead, I will naturally choose not to bring my IC as there's a good chance I will lose it (imagine losing both IC and passport. I'm as good as an illegal immigrant!). I offered the custom officer my driver's license instead. After discussing with her superior, she decided to let me off. Sighs. I didn't choose to have eczema ok!
Anyway, I'm very thankful for my friends who met me at the M'sia customs. I guess they must have felt as though they brought a mountain turtle out. Wherever I went, I kept looking around and/or out of windows. No, I didn't do that because I was bored or daydreaming. I was sightseeing and observing. I didn't mention it at that very point in time cause I would have sounded really really sua ku. Hahas. Anyway, I really did enjoy myself today so don't worry.
Best of all? I had my A&W. Though it's A&W's breakfast that I miss, I'm not complaining because having the root beer float is enough to make my day. Thankew very much for the trouble to travel just for the sake of A&W.
*Deeply Appreciated by Yours Truly*
On a random note, I kept mentioning Causeway Bay instead of Causeway. Can you tell how much I'm dying to go Hongkong? =(
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Dead Beat
I'm very exhausted because I have been doing lots of household chores for the past 2 weeks and the load has increased intensively for the past few days mainly because my tolerance for mess has gone down tremendously and expecations of cleanliness has increased by a notch.
Just last night, I sort out and washed 3 batches of clothes. That's not easy when you are dealing with several huge piles of clothes contributed by 5 people over a period of time. I could have been more efficient if not for the wet weather. High humidity level + rain + lack of sunshine = damp clothes. That means that I have to air the clothes longer than before. Not forgetting there are bedsheets, pillow/bolster cases and blankets to deal with!
On top of that I also packed a huge part of the kitchen today, clearing old and spoilt food/sauces/herbs/whatever. Bought new shelves and tablecloth. Gave the walls and table a good scrub before rearranging the remaining stuff. I had wanted to clean the rest of the kitchen but was too tired to do so, especially after the JB trip, not forgetting the lack fo sleep from the previous night. Shall continue again tomorrow
My friend, N, mentioned that I probably have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). Oh well, I highly doubt so but then again, maybe I do? Hahas. Life in Australia has changed me greatly.
On hindsight, I started sorting out my belongings and threw away things that I used to refused to get rid of, such as old books and magazines. In the midst of it, I started thinking of how I used to insist on keeping them despite being psychoed/persuaded/coaxed to 'throw rubbish away'. Memories.
Anyway, I found a lot of letters, cards and postcards from different people. I re-read before sorting them out for safekeeping. Reading those hand-written well-wishes and innermost thoughts/feelings brought both smiles and tears. Many brought back memories of the time I used to spend with the person (who wrote those letters/cards/postcards).
Memories.
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Oei, Not Sleeping ah?
Yeah man! After looking at the time I submit this post you must be wondering why the heck I am blogging at this unearthly hour. No, I'm not having insomia from caffeine overdose this time round.
I'm awake because I'm having gastric discomfort. Honestly, I've no idea what's wrong. I was feeling very hungry before dinner time but halfway through dinner, my gastric hurt so much I had to force myself to finish the entire bowl of instant noodles (I know it's not the best food around but I was craving very badly for myojo mee. In aussie, myojo is only available in asian grocery stores and the prices are really steep). After dinner, I remain seated for the next half an hour because my gastric hurts.
Even though my gastric continued to hurt, I decided to ignore the pain and continued with my household chores. I didn't want to be crippled by the pain. Who knows, two hours later I had gastric reflux. I almost threw up but I didn't. That feeling sucks.
Subsequently, I started having both gastric pains and stomach cramps. The pain and cramp continued till now. I'd better recover by tomorrow afternoon, if not I have to go out with all that pain and discomfort. *pray hard*
Good night world! Then again, it's morning.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Have to or want to
In life, there are many a time we do things simply because we have to. However, most of the time these are not things that we want to do.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Dolly Face
Last evening, someone complimented that I look like a doll, especially with my big eyes. Now that I'm not looking as pale as before, my lips and cheeks are much rosier. I was soooooooo flattered. Then a sudden thought came to my mind and I blurted out "yeahs, a fat doll!"
Monday, January 17, 2011
Thankful
The last week was filled with hiccups but I am thankful for friends who randomly/suddenly appeared in my life, spending time with me and giving me the support I very much need to tide me through this bleak period. These are friends who I rarely talk to and contact on a regular basis yet they turn up in my life when I needed them most.
One of them even spent 2 continuous days with me, talking about the same issue again and again until I finally sort out my thoughts. I can't be more thankful for this friend.
Of course, I am glad that I have since overcome the darkest time in my life (at this very moment).
And I thank lord for a lot to be thankful about.
I hope you feel the same way too.
One of them even spent 2 continuous days with me, talking about the same issue again and again until I finally sort out my thoughts. I can't be more thankful for this friend.
Of course, I am glad that I have since overcome the darkest time in my life (at this very moment).
And I thank lord for a lot to be thankful about.
I hope you feel the same way too.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Nice Dream
I had a nice, wonderful, sweet dream and I found myself partially smiling when I woke up. Darn, why must the person press the doorbell and disrupt my happy dream???
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Same but Different
On this very day, I went back to this particular place which I used to frequent pretty often in the past. It is nice to trace back old routes; to stroll the same pavement I used to rush through hurriedly, to listen to the melody orchestrated by the same frogs I used to feel irritated with, to immerse myself in that moment of peace I never used to appreciate. Same time, same place, same scene but totally different feeling.
I used to dislike going to that place because I found it too 'ulu' (inaccessible) but right now, I'm willing to travel all the way there just to sit down for a nice chat, enjoy the cold breeze while trying to find solace in the quietness.
Indeed, I did find peace over there last night. I left that place feeling so happy and peaceful, I found myself smiling in the rear mirror (of the car) even though I lost my way home.
I used to dislike going to that place because I found it too 'ulu' (inaccessible) but right now, I'm willing to travel all the way there just to sit down for a nice chat, enjoy the cold breeze while trying to find solace in the quietness.
Indeed, I did find peace over there last night. I left that place feeling so happy and peaceful, I found myself smiling in the rear mirror (of the car) even though I lost my way home.
Monday, January 10, 2011
阴天
从澳洲回返新加坡已经快一个半月了。这么多天以来，天气总是阴阴的。每天不是乌云密布，就是倾盆大雨。虽然新加坡属于热带国家，却没有试过一天是阳光普照的。一向喜欢雨天的我，在还没出过留学之前，都不怎么喜欢艳阳高照的感觉。不是嫌光线太刺眼，就是怕晒了太多太阳很容易长黑斑之类的皮肤‘问题’。女孩子嘛，总是比较爱美的。
但是每天望着阴霾的天空，心情总是忧郁的，胸口也觉得闷闷的，怎么都开心不起来。可能天气真的会影响一个人的情绪，甚至会影响一个人的思绪。近来，我发觉自己比以前发更多呆，常常胡思乱想，也因此更情绪化。
驾着车子或弹着钢琴时，我发觉泪水不由自主的流了出来。吃着饭时，眉毛不知觉的邹了起来，而漫无目的走着路时却发觉自己在傻笑。性情和心情都大起大落的我，究竟是怎么搞的呢？
但是每天望着阴霾的天空，心情总是忧郁的，胸口也觉得闷闷的，怎么都开心不起来。可能天气真的会影响一个人的情绪，甚至会影响一个人的思绪。近来，我发觉自己比以前发更多呆，常常胡思乱想，也因此更情绪化。
驾着车子或弹着钢琴时，我发觉泪水不由自主的流了出来。吃着饭时，眉毛不知觉的邹了起来，而漫无目的走着路时却发觉自己在傻笑。性情和心情都大起大落的我，究竟是怎么搞的呢？
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Prayers Answered
Tears couldn't stop flowing as I played this song on the piano last evening. Scenes from past memories kept appearing in my mind. I continued to play the piano till my clothes were soaked with tears, only then did I walked to the bathroom to wash up. While in the toilet, I prayed in tears; Since I was feeling extremely lost and down, I prayed for God to guide me through this dark period of time with his wisdom, to allow me to be strong and to feel better emotionally.
He heard my prayer.
A few hours later, something I hadn't expected happened. It came to me as a pleasant surprise. Even though I'm still pretty lost, I'm feeling much better emotionally. At least I'm able to sit down calmly to sort out my thoughts and work my way out of the situation.
Thank you for answering my prayers.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Regrets
Not too long ago, a friend asked me if history were to repeat itself, would I make the same decision and I replied yes, even though I deeply regretted (and still am regretting). Given the same circumstance, being in the same situation and feeling the same emotions, I would have made the exact same decision. I knew my risks and stakes then but I still decided to go ahead with it and in the end I lost that bet. I lost more than I thought I would.
If I were given a second chance now, I will do things differently to make up for the past, redeem myself and make things better for the future. Oh well, it may be too late for regrets but I guess it's better to be late than never.
There's no one I can blame except for myself. My stubborness, pride, curiousity and impulsiveness have done me in.
I've been praying about this matter before things even turned out this way. I guess God could be trying to tell me something through these signs but I secretly hope that I'm reading these signs wrongly.
原来哭不是最难受的。最难受的是想哭却哭不出的感觉。
If I were given a second chance now, I will do things differently to make up for the past, redeem myself and make things better for the future. Oh well, it may be too late for regrets but I guess it's better to be late than never.
There's no one I can blame except for myself. My stubborness, pride, curiousity and impulsiveness have done me in.
I've been praying about this matter before things even turned out this way. I guess God could be trying to tell me something through these signs but I secretly hope that I'm reading these signs wrongly.
原来哭不是最难受的。最难受的是想哭却哭不出的感觉。
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